Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
