hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
