then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
