did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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