Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
