guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
