You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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