Cold hands, warm shart.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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