I will die if light touches me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
