Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
