just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
