oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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