When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
