So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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