and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
