this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
