you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
