So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize