the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
