i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
