No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
