My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
