her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we made out on top of his cat.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
