Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
