I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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