Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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