Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
