Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
