trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
