i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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