My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
