Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
