I want you more than these girls want KFC
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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