Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
