New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
