Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
