How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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