You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
