...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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