It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
