You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
