I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
