I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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