I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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