So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
