This girl is more easily done than said...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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