okay pat passed out under dana's car
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My bed smells like the plague
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
