I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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