if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
