and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
