I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
