I'm really into asian looking animals
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
