Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
