in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
