i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i love accidental penises.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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