Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Randomize
