It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
