dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
