a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
