Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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