how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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