So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
BRING THE BAGELS
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Pants are for mortals
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
