On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
