Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
PANTIES FOUND
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
