that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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