Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
