I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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