At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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