Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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