Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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