Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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