so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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