we made out on top of his cat.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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