I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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